Dear vincent
I enjoyed our usual get together Saturday last but I'm hard pressed to understand why I still have to sit on your bedroom rug to conduct our annual interview with (for some reason) a piece of my red outercoat poking from under the door.
I thought your odd peculiarities would diminish as you got older, but I see as you chug through your 6th decade on earth, that they've simply increased!
In any case I very much enjoyed discussing your family. As in years past. I see that not very much has changed. The iuliano's remain odd ducks but it's goid to see that some things - even improvements- are undimmed by progress.
So your brother is still dickering about that drum set, eh? The best he can hope for is to sell the damn thing and stop it from mouldering in his attic. It's quite obvious at this point that none of you are musically gifted. You may as well give up your dream of being the next Dylan or McCartney, Vincent. At this point you barely have Jimmy Fallon's talent, and let's face it, that ship has pretty much sailed.
Becoming a Beatle is not something any of you should aspire to. The most success any of you may have at this point is begging for a few crumbs in the city transit system at rush hour.
Your sister Ann has managed to fool quite a few people with her degrees and baubles. Several generations of normally well-adjusted kids will probably threaten society for years to come rhanjs to her energies (and we're not even addressing the elephant in the room: brother Jack's hand in the Kobey crash as he continues to fashion items used in helicopters and aeroplanes).
This fact alone has contributed heavily to my decision to continue to fly by reindeer power. It's worth a few hard turds to the chin to stay aloft and not relay on the same parts made by LIPM that cut short the stalled career of say, John Denver.
Your parents have decided to stop here at the North Pole on rheir way to visit with dear family in Heaven. They both send their very best. Mom has decided to take my elves to litigation for copyright infringement against Munchkins while Dad just reads about the exploits of 'that bastard Biden" in the North Pole Express news. He's been doing the crosswords which puts Mrs Claus in a bad humour as crosswords were formerly her "thing".
Sorry to hear about Angelo's tough upbringing. I've helpfully instructed some of my soldier elves to "bust a cap" in the asses of some of his former classmates. One of them (now a Reverend) may have a hard time living with their past indiscretions but hey, that's life.
Do your brother and sister still enjoy the presents I used to bring? Will your sister still like to crochet poodles if I bring her one? Does Jack still get down with Hot Wheels tracks when they're not being used to whip his ass for getting out of line?
Please keep me posted? I'm sure I can whip the elves into more modern gifts đ if your family has moved into the modern age. Though recent observation of you, dear Vincenzo, has shown great resistance to change and an almost perverse reliance on the past.
Merry Christmas to all the Iulianos
I remain, Kris, A cheerful Christmas letter addressed to Santa. Features Santa Claus with a reindeer. Decorated with pine branches and festive elements. The setting is warm and inviting, evoking a holiday atmosphere
